Understanding Covert Narcissists: Are Their Fake Empathy Genuine?
Introduction
While there is a significant body of evidence suggesting that many not all narcissists are adept at disguising their true nature, a particular subset of narcissists stands out. These individuals, known as covert narcissists, have unique traits that can make them appear more empathetic and caring than they truly are. This article explores the nuances of covert narcissism and delves into why and how these individuals fake empathy, often leading others to believe that their false emotions are genuine.
The Disguise of Covert Narcissists
Covert narcissists are masters of disguise. They use various methods to hide their true personality and intentions. One of the most common methods they employ is by portraying themselves as caring individuals, often adopting professions like nursing or other “caring” roles where empathy is highly valued. They recognize that presenting as something or someone entirely different—from the ideal opposite of what they are—can shield them from exposure. By adopting the appearance of empathy and kindness, they create a facade that can fool those around them into seeing them in a positive light and overlooking their true nature, characterized by lying, conning, and acting as disordered individuals, often with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Faking Empathy: Covert Narcissist’s Strategy
Covert narcissists often take on the role of very empathic people. From the moment one meets them, they highlight their good deeds, aiming to capture immediate attention. This is particularly effective since covert narcissists are often perceived as feminine. Their inclination towards empathy can be attributed to a sense of vulnerability, allowing them to gain attention and validation from others. However, it's crucial to note that their empathy is deeply rooted in manipulation. They don’t actually know what true empathy feels like, nor do they experience genuine feelings. Instead, they mimic the outward appearance of empathy to achieve their goals.
Male Covert Narcissists
Male covert narcissists often find it more comfortable around women and can learn to mimic empathy from them. This learning often stems from their upbringing in environments where they were subjected to a tyrannical narcissistic mother. They develop a sense of obedience and care for their mother’s whims, and in the process, they pick up on fake empathy and the role of an eternal victim. Additionally, they may observe and learn from empathic women, leading them to find partners who are initially more empathetic. Over time, they can transition to more challenging narcissistic types, further cementing their ability to fake empathy.
Signs and Symptoms of Covert Narcissists
Due to their subtlety, it can be extremely difficult to identify a covert narcissist, particularly when one is not aware of their disorder. They often reveal themselves gradually, causing significant harm to those around them by the time the true nature of their manipulation becomes apparent. Even when they attempt to act empathetic, there are tell-tale signs that their empathy is fake. While others may feel reassured or understood in the presence of a genuinely empathetic person, the surface-level empathy exhibited by covert narcissists fails to provide true comfort. Instead, there is a sense of smugness, superiority, and control emanating from their actions.
Recognizing the Differences
When dealing with a covert narcissist, it's important to recognize the differences between genuine empathy and the fake version they portray. A genuinely empathetic person will radiate warmth, making others feel understood and accepted. In contrast, a covert narcissist’s attempts at empathy are often superficial, lacking in genuine feelings of concern or understanding. They may appear to understand a situation but their actions do not reflect true respect for the individual's feelings. Coverts tend to show off their empathy to gain attention or to steer the conversation away from uncomfortable topics. Their efforts are driven by a desire for validation and control, not genuine compassion or concern.
The Harm of Fake Empathy
The impact of a covert narcissist’s fake empathy can be significant and long-lasting. By maintaining a facade of genuine empathy, they can manipulate and harm those around them over extended periods. True empathy fosters trust, support, and deep connections. However, when this empathy is fabricated, it creates a toxic environment where the needs and feelings of others are disregarded. As such, it is essential to recognize these manipulative tactics and prioritize healing and personal growth.
Conclusion
Covert narcissists are a complex subset of individuals known for their ability to disguise their true nature under the pretense of empathy and care. While their fake empathy may initially appear genuine to those around them, it is rooted in manipulation and control. Understanding the differences between genuine and fake empathy can help individuals protect themselves from the harmful effects of covert narcissism. By recognizing and addressing these patterns, we can foster healthier relationships and communities.